Wednesday, January 11, 2012

in memoriam of my 2011

today is Wednesday, the eleventh day of the year of 2012 and i am here writing from my tiny little room at home at nine forty five in the morning while i'm taking my home based working hours.
i feel bad if i don't write anything anymore in here, just for the shake of good relationship with my blog i need to document my 2011's history. it's already passed ...away, i can't bring it back or turn it back, yet i can still remember it here.
2011 is (another) proof of my survival period, my best friend and I say that life is about survival in enjoying and happy way for sure, and here how i survived and remember my 2011.....
i started this year with the feeling of uncertainty where i would have gone after almost five years with this organization and working with these people. knowing me as a person who like the routine and see everything run in well ordered, facing the changing always make me have the gloomy and laziness feeling yet i always...always excited about new things. turned out, i decided to moved out from this comfort zone and decided 'the less comfort zone' (???) at the national organization.
do i always say that God always listens to my thought and even my unconscious mind about so many things? i think i do...and God made it happened to me when i got this new job i told before (in local NGO). so does it mean i wanted to have an experience working at this environment, the answer Yes! i did and five months was enough for me to tasted it and took (advantages...oops) opportunity and chance to know new colleagues and new routine. however, those five months was a (quite) torture for my soul, intellectual, skills and knowledges. I couldn't have chance to give more and show more. yet, like i said before, i got a chance to enjoy for awhile when i took a short workshop in Bali on micro finance. i should have given back to this organization but once again i'm telling you that they seemed do not need more my contribution which actually equal with what i earned as a return for what i gave compare to what i earned before.
the seventh month of 2011 was the first month of my wandering and hovering around my home... literally. first month was still okay and optimist, some interview invitations and an optimistic moment. the second month was cooling down and reflection period and starting to ask about my 'risk taking' decision and the question of 'what if...' came out as well as starting to count the number and digit left in my bank account that day by day was getting smaller to support my unproductive time. fortunately it was the ramadhan month that put me not that worried about living in earth (or i just try to calm my worried down for a moment by saying that and being so religious). this second month had almost put me to take a decision that i think i would have regretted if i did not discuss it with my parents. I almost accepted an offering to work in that completely new areas and environment for me and would only give me a headache in the long period with that small amount of money i would have received that not even covered my daily expenses. My father suggested me firmly to reject it and i finally did...and be patient again and kept trying to find a suitable job for me (tried to calm me down by saying everything is going to be okay). the third month was almost reaching the peak moment of feeling bored on my chart of being unemployed and started to feel fast pounding in my heart sometimes at the same time because of worried. ah ya...i almost forgot, on the mid of second month i was introduced with a new routine which was an enjoyable and supporting when someone out there kept accompanying me every single night with stories, laughter, pictures, and encouraging words. and this was still going on in my beginning of forth month at home as well when i was standing next to my younger sister, holding her hand and be her bride maid. yes, my sister got married on 091011 and yes, once again i became a bride maid for my other sister just like for my older sister twelve years ago. this forth month of hovering around made me exhausted though, i was hospitalized for typoid, not a good time for my parents (i guess) seeing their daughter unemployed and sick at the same time. thanks to my insurance, i did not have to pay a single penny.
my patient and then impatient and then worried period paid off, i got an offering in the mid of october to work in this international organization that i said i tried to avoid it to even apply there, but once again I think God listened to my unconscious mind about wondering working with this organization. i applied month before it and i got a call at the time that i thought the position was already filled. the interview was not exactly the interview, it was sharing information and seeing my face and my interest of working as a researcher. I said yes and yes for the digit they offered which definitely higher than i ever got before and before. the work started in the following month and before i started, once again, i was hospitalized for another disease. Thanks God, i survived and all covered by insurance (again).
then here i am now, working at home as a consultant who is allowed to claim my working at home days as long as i deliver the output.
pphheeww....what a year of 2011, it was already passed, yup i survived and still alive, not regretting a single thing i decided in the 2011 and what i got in this year. i couldn't grateful enough to the Lord for giving me all the mind, unconscious mind, thought, decision, and moments i had with all the persons i met, talked and faced. every time i look at outside the window of the bus i ride every morning and every late afternoon or whenever i walk on pedestrian i always praise my grateful. i may not as lucky as other people who are luckier than me in so many ways that i haven't got that luck but i may have so many luck that other people do not have the luck as i have so far *got confused? please don't be...:-)*.
in memoriam of 2011, i present that year in here to honor all the people who was there for me all the year, encouraging me, supporting me, helping me and loving me....unconditionally. Thank you and Thanks God. I bet i still need you all and need you God, please always be there for me and i'll be there for you too... XoXo >:D<
Hope 2012 will be greater for all of us and full and lots of lots of love ....:-)