hold

i held her in my arm..yes just one arm, and i could do it even she is bigger than ten days ago when she was born. my friend's first lovely daughter. just a moment before we talked about my almost two years disappearing was like yesterday but when we looked at that cute girl in my arm...we agreed that i'd been away for such quite some times. she met her 'soulmate' (for instant - we call it like that :p), got married and ten months afterward....here she is...'si puput' was smiling at me in my arm.

last time when i talked about changing, i discussed about personality changing that i have experienced to one of my friends. one of the reasons for her changing....(reasons? i don't think she needs reasons to change, she just follow the rithme and life experiences, i don't even think she realises that she has changed a lot)..ok carry on, one of the reasons is children....she only wants to do the best for her children according to her view that makes her become completely different person for some people in her past (also still be in present and future actually).

some people still hold their belief in their arms but some people don't when they face realities. do i still hold my faith and belief? probably i do but how strong i hold it....lets see in the future (the next few seconds is also future hah?)

changing

i was so naive when a friend of mine asked me not to change at all whenever and wherever i am. i told him that nobody will be changed because someone has his own default characteristic and style that could not be changed easily, but i was wrong....perhaps completely wrong.

i have experienced the personal changing of someone. i know that i shouldn't judge this changing as a good or a bad one but i just need to remind myself that with or without i realise it, probably (or even now) i have already been changed as well.

childhood experiences, working experiences, marriage experiences could have created someone into completely different person (according to the persons from his/her past who bump into his/her life at some point and some moments)

the bottom line is...someone could be changed into different person because of experiences and time and seriously speaking, i am afraid to be changed into different person who is worse than ever and none can't ever recognise me anymore. it's not about finding personal esteem anymore but in the way to maintain that esteem someone could be changed.

anyway, i believe that people around me, who really love me sincerely will always remind me who i am and what i am to make me into better person.