Falling slowly

i don't know you but i want you
all the more for that
words fall through me and always fool me
and i can't react
games that never amount to more than they're meant
will play themselves out

take this sinking boat and point it home
we've still got time
raise your hopeful voice you had the choice
you've made it now

falling slowly
eyes that know me (sing your melody i'll sing along)
and i can't go back

moods that take me
and erase me
and i am painted black

you have suffered enough
and warred with yourself
it's time that you won

(Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova "ONCE")

the last couple of weeks

i've been working alone without any assistant which is not bothering me too much because the work load in financial and administration things still far from burden. i can still handle it. I am still looking for the replacement...soon hopefully.

i've been eating bread for breakfast and lunch (actually i keep my breakfast for lunch also)....God, I am too lazy to go for lunch or ask someone to get me food for lunch. I lost appetite as soon as the lunch time come...oh well..

i've been trying so hard to keep my "b'day gift" into better gift to myself but i've been really irresponsible to myself...so, i've already blown up my own gift...:(

i've been having pain in my back...i assume this is caused by carrying heavy bag everyday. God...how can't i just bring small bag like any other chicks? ...not a laptop in it, but my bag is filled with my paraplu, my beauty case (this is the heaviest things in my bag actually...one day i forgot to bring this and i felt that my bag was lighter...and something missing from me..hihii..), my red wallet (this is also unbelievable wallet people have ever seen...big and red but i love it...i can put many things in it, like cards-of course, wet tissue, tissue paper, pen, pencil, small brush, lipstick...what's the point of carrying many lipsticks in beauty case and wallet anyway if i rarely use them?...well, it's just me..:p. not to mention...carrying book or even worse.. books...com'on..when can i read if i go back home from the office by foot?...Gosh..anna..unbelievable ya? and then my PDA, sometimes includes the praying outfit..seems like i was born to love a big bag....God, i'm crazy about big bag...you can just put everything in it and you don't have to worry if 'urgent' thing come up, like staying over at friend's suddently (not one night stand ya...:D), short notice party invitation. actually, in my bag, everything is put in order, each thing has its own place and i love the way it is...although i don't use them everyday. i know why i do that...to make me feel save and secure if everything is ready, prepared and well-organized.

i've also been acting like a stupid about love and the worse thing is, i've been unbelievably and irrationally loving someone who doesn't even care and have love as much as mine to him for many years. i've been fooling myself by telling i'm gonna be fine but i'm not. not because does he love me not nor i hate him nor myself nor the love i have but because i cannot open my heart to others (easily) and think rationally and realisticly. I'm sorry to myself for this and for being irresponsible to myself. I know i hurt myself...piece by piece. so, it's time to say goodbye to that love. Goodbye love! :-)

hey..it's valentine day, right? a day of love?

remember my last posting? quote of the day:"love yourself before you look for love"

so...happy valentine day, anna!..i love you, anna! no matter what love means to you and how love works to you...i do love you, so please...love yourself, your body, your work, your mind and your love also. thanks :-)

p.s: i love you (ini sih judul film ..:p)

quote of the day

menyenangkan masih memiliki sahabat-sahabat yang mengingat kita dan selalu mengingatkan kita....sekecil, sesederhana bahkan se-cliche apapun pengingatnya, amat sangat berharga.

belakangan ini (bukan krn habis "hari gue") cukup beragam quote of the day yang aku terima. dari soal cinta, kerjaan, maupun kehidupan secara umum. bukan bermaksud mengecilkan arti pengingat itu namun kadang-kadang ketika quotenya panjang dan sounds general...aku capek batin membacanya..hihii...(barangkali mrasa tll cliche ato blum waktunya ato tertampar dengan amat sangat mantabnya :D), namun sekali lagi...aku amat sangat menghargainya...karena kita tidak pernah tau kapan kita 'jatuh', kapan kita 'terbang', kapan kita 'di atas' dan kapan kita 'di bawah'...seperti signature temen saya "the future depends on what we do in the present"....but still 'never ever regret what we do in present if the future turn out to be f**king aweful and disaster...that could be the way to the best for us'...(halah!blum..blum dah bikin quote yg ngeyel..:p)

beberapa quote berikut cukup berharga untuk menyemangati hari-hari saya:

"Kunci sukses pernikahan bukanlah menemukan orang yang tepat, namun bagaimana mencintai orang yang Anda temukan dan terus menerus" (sayang blum bisa diterapkan teori ini :D)

"Cinta dalam sebuah pernikahan adalah keputusan dan bukan hanya perasaan"(termasuk yg ini jg blum..:D)

"cintailah pasangan anda seperti anda ingin dicintai olehnya, setialah pada pasangan anda seperti anda ingin mendapatkan kesetiaannya"(juga yang ini :D)

"melompatlah tinggi menembus keterbatasan-keterbatasanmu untuk meraih sukses (versi ringkasnya...abis panjang nian critanya :D..mana ngomongin soal kutu anjing segala..hiiii)"....ini hampir mirip dengan janganlah menjadi katak dalam tempurung yang telah terlalu lama terkungkung oleh pemikiran bahwa tempurung itulah batas dunianya dan tak kan bisa melompat lebih tinggi, maka kau hanya akan berpikir bahwa hanya setinggi tempurung itu saja kemampuanmu melompat...padahal tidak...dan sama sekali memang tidak....melompatlah setinggi mungkin...walaupun sesakit apapun jatuhnya...teruslah melompat karena kamu akan menjadi lebih kuat dan kuat...dan sehat (apa sih...iklan susu emangnya? :D)

"merokok adalah dosa" (a-five years-old boy, a son of my friend's quote)

"membuang sampah di selokan dan sungai dapat menyebabkan banjir" (also his quotation)

"jangan suruh anakmu sholat sebelum kamu sendiri melakukannya....karena kamu akan malu mendengar jawaban mereka, 'ibu juga blum sholat tuh...." (ibunya si anak 5 thn itu, so..watch your mouth and attitude when you teach your kids...okay deh..i'll remember this one)

"cintailah dirimu sebelum engkau mencari cinta yang sebenarnya untuk dirimu" (kebanyakan nonton dvd sok romantis..:p)

"do not marry someone that you know you can live with but marry someone that you cannot live without" (hhhmmm....gitu ya? :D)

"siapa bilang rambut keriting tidak bisa mempesona" (halah!...emang ini quote?hehehe...ini info..yah quote biar pede kali ya?)

"you should know when enough is enough!" (halah! yg ini gak jelas...emang kapan donk?:D...hehehe..bego ya gue?)

"How often do you find the right person?answer:(could be) once" (taken from movie: 'once')

diantara semua...ini adalah everyday quote for me:

"Ingatlah bahwa dimanapun kamu menghadap ...Tuhan selalu ada dan tahu" (really believe this quote...i think i will get lost in everyway in this life's labyrinth if i don't believe this one and i'll go down in everyhole if forget this one and i'll break into pieces for everywall i face if i don't turn my soul to God)