Silaturahmi (2)

'hi!, it's me'
'who?...'
'me...'
'oh, hi!, sorry, you've changed your phone number, right?'
'yup'
'how're you doing?'
'........'
'........' (laughing)
'........' (laughing)

all of a sudden, he just pop-up on my cellphone and called me early in the morning office hours. just to say hi!, and asked me how i was doing. he is one of my best friends who still keeps 'silaturahmi' with me. lots of laughing around us and he can always bright my days up in the middle of my hectic days.

well....i am not that bad at all in friendship,though...since i've lost one friend but i still be cared by...hhmmm...many?hehe...be optimistic in numbers although friendship can't be counted by number but by quality of the relationship. He is not the only one who like to pop-up in my daily activities, there are others whom i can never imagine still remember me but they like popping-up on my emails, sms, and voices.

silaturahmi

..."means that to keep in touch with friends, relatives, colleagues and ...could be with enemies" (my definition).

keep updating my news to my relatives in home town, it's not an obligation, it's just driven by the feeling of love...and also to my niece and nephew in struer...is a way to keep silaturahmi.

am i strange or funny?, but sometimes in my really busy hours...could be at work or in the party (party?)....i remember someone, more than one or all of them (wow...how big is my brain?)....and really want to just say hi! or tell them that i am fine...hahha...although i am not at the finest situation when i am underpressure situation toch? anyway, having this thought gives me reasons for keep doing with what i have been doing for so long.

but, i still have question to someone, because for some reasons that i really do not understand....we've lost contact, last time i asked his family and they said he was doing ok and would pursue his dream some where out there soon and they gave me his number and i left my number and it was "iedul fitri" but .....whooops...he's gone....gone with the wind. and i am too arrogant to make the first move again ....but one thing i will always remember that i have tried to apologize for all i have done that make him shut me off and i have forgiven him for treating me like that. knowing our friendship, i don't believe i've been treaten back like that. do i deserve to be treated like that....knowing who i am? you tell me....or you also feel the same as his to me sometimes (or most of the times) hence....i am really sorry, I am just trying to be a good friend by not shutting friends off from my lifeeven my memories....does he become my enemy now? which i do not want to? any way...if i died someday (which is certainly i will) i wish i would not have any "debt" to anyone....spiritually or materially....aaah....don't say that you don't want to hear something like this...it's a fact of life, right? speaking about life and death...

well...i am happy with my life and hope he's as well. see you soon my friend!goodluck there!, if i need to send something for you i'll let your family knows it, ok...

(in memorial of our friendship, relationship and closeness.....Rest in Peace!May God guides us to heaven!)

my eyes

couldn't believe what had just happened to me, well....actually it happens quite many times :D. I squeezed my eyes and whoooops.....blurred....i dropped my lens...on the floor, which is unsterilized, dirty, full of bacteria but ....had to put it back to where it should be or i won't a thing...hii....
need to fix them? still afraid of having a surgery for those sensitive area.
give me some supports, will you?

comment

giving comment is something easy....especially if you really don't like the situation or even like it so much. but would it be a good comment for the opponent or just something that we do to make them down?.

sometimes, i prefer not to give any comment when someone tell his or her problem to me....sometimes, they only want us to listen to them...and that's it! nothing more.

i even....am afraid of commenting my own actions ...sometimes, i will just let it flow and see the concequences in the next few moments...could be hurting or releaving...

(tired of thinking some thoughts and afraid of losing some thoughts......bloody "me" hah?)

unpack & repack

sounded familiar for those who had known my old blogspot..yup, i did once post with that kind of theme...'unpack&repack'. i just finished do the same activities ten minutes ago. well...that makes me realise that my life is filled with these kind of activities, not a good activities, though that i had to do them at differents places (these activities do not mean for those who likes travelling).

when i unpacked my 'archives' from holland ...i still could smell my holland room and the aura came from them, they brought back my holland memories and my old blogspot (indeed).

funny thing is that i thought i have many stuffs to repack from my jakarta's archives and my holland's, though i was wrong....with that cabinet and drawer...i still have many spaces....and this ain't good at all....because, it makes me want to fill them in with the 'right stuffs' ...hihii...more clothes...more shoes...more accessories....bad..really bad ..but i like my new crib (so far).

(tired but satisfied....from the 'bronx' area of jakarta)

launching

akhirnya....saat itu tiba juga, saya sudah resmi me-launching-kan diri. saya tidak akan sering merasakan gimana lelahnya berdiri lama di dalam bis antar kota, memutuskan untuk menaiki bis apa yang enak untuk pulang kantor, atau lebih tepatnya mencoba bis nomor berapa lagi untuk sampai ke rumah. mau yang dingin berAC dan tak kan keringatan (tentunya lebih mahal dikit) atau yang lebih murahan tapi jalannya muter2 kampung dulu dan tentunya tanpa AC dan lebih pastinya penuh keringat (termasuk keringat sendiri) dan yang pasti tak kan pernah sepi dari para "pejuang tangguh"

barang kali ini yang akan aku rindukan dari sebuah kemeriahan ibukota ini.....kumpulan para pejuang tangguh. memang ongkos yang dikeluarkan tak seberapa untuk naik angkutan ini tapi banyak motifasi untuk akhirnya mengeluarkan beberapa lembar ribuan lagi demi "para pejuang tangguh" itu. dari yang menyajikan acara baca puisi, bermain tutup botol, menawarkan koran, makanan dan minuman ringan, sampai obat kulit gatal2 bisa di dapat di atasnya. namun yang pasti rasa untuk mengeluarkan lembaran itu akan lebih terasa nyaman ketika melihat perjuangan mereka dibanding rekan2nya yang hanya menengadahkan kantung permen tanpa ada usaha apa2.

rasanya.....aku selalu lebih beruntung dari mereka semua. terus terang saya menyukai sebuah kemudahan akses, kenyamanan, dan kebersihan, namun rasanya kurang bermakna jiwa yang bebas dan lepas ini ketika tidak ada sesuatu (seseorang) yang membutuhkan. melalui "para pejuang tangguh" itu rasanya diri ini lebih berarti, rasanya berbagi keringat ini tidak terlalu berkesan mewah di dalam pikiran sendiri ketika saya bisa menghargai jerih payah mereka juga.

memang tidak bisa dibandingkan apa yang saya dapat dan rasakan dengan apa yang mereka dapat dan rasakan pula. saya juga berjuang dan merangkak untuk akhirnya mengakui sekali lagi sebuah 'launching' yang lebih baik dari yang sebelum-sebelumnya. saya belajar dan berkorban juga untuk apa yang telah (akan) saya dapat selama ini (dan nanti) dan itu jelas berbeda dengan apa yang mereka lakukan maka rewardnya juga lain.

itulah sebabnya....sekali-kali merasakan apa yang mereka rasakan (berkeringat dan berbau di atas angkutan umum itu) membuat saya tetap sadar siapa saya sebenarnya.

(kebanyakan merenung dan ngedengerin mp3 di bus antar kota itu)